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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945442">Control</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Sndr/pseuds/No_Sndr'>No_Sndr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Idiots in Love, Introspection, Light Angst, Missing Scene</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:07:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Sndr/pseuds/No_Sndr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened in episode 3 when they realized that the Burned One that had been killed was not the one that had wounded Saul? Here is a little conversation I imagined between Ben and Farah (and mostly an insight in Farah's mind)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Farah Dowling &amp; Saul Silva, Farah Dowling/Saul Silva, Silrah - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello again everyone! Thank you so much for the kudos and the kind comments on my previous fics, it really got me motivated to keep going. I'm still sticking to my headcanon in which these two are not actually together even though a lot has happened between them and I really wanted to get into Farah's mind and give a bit of background as to why. I hope it'll make sense!<br/>I'm not a native English speaker so I apologize for any mistakes you see.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Saul hung up his phone, the look on his face was not the one Farah and Ben had expected to see. Instead of relief, they saw doubt painted all over his face. He had told them that the battalion had killed the Burned One about fifteen minutes ago, which meant he should have started feeling better and seen the infection weaken. Except his eyes were still darkened and his veins still tinted with black and absolutely nothing in his body felt different. Ben suggested they should wait a little more since the infection had been in his system for a week now, maybe it needed a bit more time to leave it. After ten more minutes, the situation was still unchanged and the weak remnants of hope that remained was quickly replaced with a cruel, crushing sense of defeat that had left them speechless.</p><p>They were still quietly seated, heads bent down, when Saul jumped on his feet and started to leave, unable to look at them in the eyes, telling them he had to talk to Sky.</p><p>"Saul..." Farah pleaded, but he told her he would see her later without even looking back.</p><p>She sighed heavily staring at the floor. She was not sure that she could process what the situation implied; one, that there were at least two creatures instead of a single one like they had originally thought, and two, that the chances for Saul to survive were down to almost zero. She felt sick just to think about it.</p><p>"You should tell him when you still have a chance," said Ben, out of the blue.</p><p>Farah shot him a confused glance, brows furrowed. "Tell him what?"</p><p>The earth fairy gave her a pointed look above his glasses and answered, "Everything." His face was extremely serious and she did not like where this conversation was going. She was not ready to discuss her feelings for Saul, especially now.</p><p>"We have other issues to focus on," she said, clenching her jaw. "I have to talk to the Queen, they have to help us."</p><p>"Farah... You can't always run away from your feelings. Look, I don't know why you two aren't together and it's not really about that. It's just... It's important to say these things," he stated with a benevolent smile.</p><p>She did not know how to explain to him what was going on in her mind. Saul knew exactly how she felt and she knew it was mutual, that had never been the problem. It burned in them like a bonfire, and they did not need to say anything because they <em>felt</em> it. The problem was that she was absolutely and completely petrified to let it consume her and to lose control.</p><p>Rosalind had always discouraged the fairies and specialists teamed up together to be in a relationship. She thought that it made them less efficient, that it was a distraction on the battlefield. She remembered something she had told her at the beginning of their crusade against the Burned Ones. They had just had a particularly tough fight with some pretty close calls for some of them, including Saul. She had looked at her with her piercing blue eyes and coldly said "You should trust him with your life but never fear for his. It doesn't matter if he dies as long as you get the job done." She must have heard her scream when Saul had fell to the ground and hit his head, which had disoriented him a few seconds and given time to the creature to get dangerously close to him.</p><p>From that day on, Farah thought it was best to not get involved with Saul. Not because she actually thought it would make them less successful in a fight, but because of how terrified she had been when she had realized that one, not all of them were going to make it out alive and two, that she would rather die herself than witnessing Saul's death. That day, she became aware of the nature of her feelings for him, and above all, of the strength of them, which was the scary part. On top of that were the whirlwind of emotions she felt because of their bond, this amazingly unexplainable connection between fairy and specialist, which was so overwhelming sometimes that it made her dizzy.</p><p>Which brought her back to control. A fairy's magic is linked with their emotions, which is why it is so important to control them and to <em>stay</em> in control, no matter what. Rosalind had pushed them far and hard to teach them that, and it had not been a pleasant journey. She never got rid of that obsessive focus on control, to the point that she was afraid of what would happen if she ever lost it. But being in a relationship meant letting your guard down, giving in to the other and allowing yourself to let go. She was not certain she could fully do it.</p><p>Of course, the level of intimacy she shared with Saul, both physical and emotional, was beyond anything she had ever known. With time, he had managed to knock her walls down one by one and she had let him in like no one else before. They knew each other's mind and heart better than their own. They knew each other's nightmares and worst fears. They knew how to calm and sooth each other. They had kissed and shared a bed more than once, but what she gave him for a fleeting moment, she always took back, never committing. She was scared of what fully giving in would entail, and she hated the way it made her feel: so anxious that she wanted to rip her chest open. Wasn't love supposed to be all warm and fuzzy?        </p><p>She sheepishly looked at Ben, raking her mind to find the words to explain it all to him but she struggled to express herself.</p><p>She shook her head in frustration and said, "I can't, Ben... It's too much, I just can't handle it." Farah was a pretty articulate person but when it came to her feelings, she would rather keep them buried deep down and never acknowledge them.</p><p>"What do you mean?" he asked kindly, cocking his head.</p><p>She pressed her lips tight together, her inner struggle clearly visible. Ben patiently waited for her to clarify as he knew that she would dig her heels in if he pressed her too much. </p><p>She sighed before she slowly explained, "Everything I'm feeling, it's... I feel it so strongly, it hurts and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not sure I can." She felt a lump forming in her throat as she spoke. "All this <em>love</em>," she added, almost offended by the word, "It's making me miserable, how messed up is that?" She glanced at her friend then, secretly hoping to find some answers in his gaze.</p><p>"Farah..." He stared at her for a moment and carefully chose his words  before carrying on, "Love is <em>not</em> the reason you're suffering. All that pain you're feeling, it's just because you're denying yourself the right to embrace it. Maybe think about that."</p><p>His words hit her hard in the guts and she looked at him slightly shocked. Ben had always been the most perceptive out of the three of them, but she had not expected him to see right through her like that, perceiving things she even refused to admit to herself. She stared at her feet and nodded in silence. He was right. And she was tired to fight with her own brain. But right now, she felt like she had to put her Headmistress cap back on and take care of the threat lurking beyond the barrier, for Saul's sake first of all but also because she was starting to feel as if all of this was way bigger than they had thought and she needed to ensure Alfea's protection. Duty came first, as always.</p><p>"I should go call the Queen," she said as she got to her feet, "And she better send some of her people here, fast."</p><p>Ben got up from his chair and walked to her, arms open. "Come here", he said and she quickly hugged him. She was thankful that he did not push the subject further, which is something she had always loved about him: he simply knew when to give them space whilst still offering his support. "Everything will be alright", he promised her before letting go.</p><p>She smiled weakly, trying to convince herself that it would be indeed, and made her way to her office. Maybe, once everything is sorted out, she will find the courage to get her shit together and tackle her old demons. Maybe she will finally stop fighting herself and allow herself to just <em>feel</em> everything there is to feel. And maybe she will share it all with Saul.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not 100% happy with how I ended it but I still hope that you enjoyed reading this. Please don't hesitate to leave a comment or a kudo, it really makes all the difference and I'd love to know what you think! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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